100 Proof

So people have been asking me why I don’t drink. That’s a lie-no one has asked me that. But I thought I would explain my reasons for the sake of my kids and anyone else who might be curious.  So here is the answer to your non-question… 🙂

“Why do I feel this good sober?”-Pink

Have you ever seen the A&E show called Intervention? It’s a documentary type show that follows an addict (for an hour plus commercials) through their terrible addicted life and ends with a real intervention. Their family and friends confront them with letters and tears, pleading for them to get help. The addict is usually at rock bottom by this point and is in pretty bad shape. I’m sure the camera adds 10 pounds of nasty , but lets just say no one is looking their best if you know what I mean. Bad complexion, disheveled clothing etc. Well, I have short hair and CANNOT risk having a bad complexion-the two just do not mix! So that’s my reason for not drinking. No bad complexion here… not on my watch! Kidding.

For serious-I’m sure most people watch that show and think, “How can someone spiral so out of control like that?” When I watched it (I don’t anymore) I always thought to myself, “How many drinks away am I to losing control?” I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. I could “put it down” for days, weeks at a time. No one knew that I struggled with alcohol. Scratch that. My husband knew. And I knew that he struggled with it as well. We’ve straightened up a lot about our lives in the 15 years we’ve been together, but alcohol is so socially acceptable it was hard to fathom giving it up. It was our last drug and by golly we deserved to have a (a lot to) drink every now and then (every night)!

Let’s get this straight-I don’t have a problem with alcohol in general. (So stop getting defensive)I have a problem with me drinking it. I could justify the heck out of it, but I couldn’t shut up the voice in my heart telling me to quit. I quietly and secretly pleaded with myself to get it together. One morning during a déjà vu conversation about the way too many drinks the day/night before, Mr. Right asked me, “Do you think God wants us to stop drinking?” I got angry. (I’ve since then discovered about myself that my first reaction to an uncomfortable truth is anger. Hmm.) “Whats God got ta do…got ta do with it?” I asked Tina Turner style. But I knew he was right. (Of course he was. duh.) The Truth was: I liked alcohol a lot too much. This changed everything for me. You see, I’ve deliberately disobeyed God before and paid dearly for it. Still paying actually. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. Not that I expected lightning to strike me- I just wanted to be in His will. I knew I was finished drinking.

That was June 8, 2009. We’ve been sober ever since. Oh yeah-Mr. Right gave it up too. We’ve always had the Chris Rock philosophy on marriage, “If one of you smokes crack the other has to smoke crack too!” Except we were laying down the pipes…um wine glasses. I figured the only way I could 100 Proof (you see what I did there?) my life from being featured on Intervention is to stop drinking altogether. No one on that show had intentions of being an addict.  But I have intentions. I have intentions on writing my pre-biography. Things I want included and things I don’t. I have no room for alcohol in my life anymore. So one day when my kids are telling their story, they may say, “my mom was a spaz” or ” my mom was a looney bird”, but “my mom was a drunk” will never come out of their mouths. And that makes me happy.

Yeah- I was worried about what people might think. Would I still be “fun”? Then I remembered back to a conversation I had with a good friend who doesn’t drink. Not because she has a sob story, or because she’s been through AA, but because she saw the danger in it for herself and decided not to. Well, she’s pretty much the life of the party so there goes that theory. (Plus I make an awesome designated driver!) My life, my marriage, my relationships are so much better sober. There is no down side for me. In fact, a few days after Mr. Right and I made our Big Decision, I found out I was pregnant. A surprise since we had struggled to have our first. Call me crazy, but I took it as a sign. We named her Selah, from the Bible which means “to pause and ponder” (or as she will tell you, “to stop and think”). And that’s exactly what I do every time I look at her- My Blessing. I stop and think about what my life might have looked like had I decided differently. And then I stop and think of all the blessings that have come from that One Decision. Not the least of which is a clear head, and a clear conscience. Oh- and a fabulous complexion.  And I’ll drink to that! 🙂

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty- Proverbs 22:3